Sometimes, I get this overwhelming urge to just throw out all my clothes, shave my head, and dump ALL THE FUCKING MAKEUP, all the bows, all the razors, all the shoes, all the pink, all the purses, all the perfume, all the flowers, all the cards, all the neon-colored boxes, and all my girly-ass sheets. FUCK IT. Fuck being a girl. Fuck oppression. Fuck self-doubt. Fuck eat this, don't eat that. Fuck diets. Fuck quiet. Fuck morality. Fuck cute. Fuck pretty. Fuck shaving. Fuck taking one hour to get ready. Fuck hair dryers. Fuck rape. Fuck the boys that just want to fuck. Fuck low-fat. Fuck diet pills. Fuck surgery. Fuck cleavage. Fuck high-heels and their corresponding blisters. Fuck pony tails. Fuck everything that society uses to define me.
But the real fucking rub is that I can't do this. Gender identity has been so far nailed into my damn brain that I can't do shit about it. I care if my legs are shaved, if my stomach has any ounce of fat on it, if the asshole of the week really wants to fuck me.
I have my little rebellions, but the fact is that I can never completely shake off this restrictive shell.
So I scream in this fucking notebook and learn about how women's lives FUCKING SUCK from class to class to class.
Fuck it all. My name is Kat and I'm a fucking person.
I insisted on performing this behind a halfway house garage to my man toy at the time. He didn't take it too well. :)
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