I'd say I have one foot in bargaining and the other in depression.
Death is like a an infinite weight on my back...when I think about it, even for a little bit, the weight crushes me. It is so abstract, because no one really knows the details. All we know is that everything that lives must die. What happens after death is a mental free for all.
I wish I could chop up my fear of death into bight-size little pieces. Until then, it is a concept that I cannot (or refuse to?) swallow.
Maybe I'm just mad because the overwhelming sadness I feel about my mom and my cat bars me from accepting/understanding/not understanding death.
How do I even go to see my cat tomorrow? It is simple- spend time with her. Everytime I look at her, though, I just see this huge clock, and every tick-tock is one second less that I will have her in my life.
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